Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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