I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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