I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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