Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
