You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
