Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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