He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
