Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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