john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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