when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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