cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
