You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
