Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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