you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
