somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Found the puke drawer
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
