Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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