Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
