How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
