My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
