saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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