Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's never too late to be topless.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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