Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
