everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
