Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
