Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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