atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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