May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
