Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
