super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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