I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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