I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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