I'm jealous of your bromance
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
