So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
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I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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