This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
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Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
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The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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