God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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