I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
