please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
