he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
