I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Farmville is her only friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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