Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
