Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
