wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
