Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
