Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
