I have demons in me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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