Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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