get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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