Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
