I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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