Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
