I just threw up on my dentist
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
