They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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