One girl and one boy is just not enough.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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