He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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