maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
