I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
