so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he thought i was a dude.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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