im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
