im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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