Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
