he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
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I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
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Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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