we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
