hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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