a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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