Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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