I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
