so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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