I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
