Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
