I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
