So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
