he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
