apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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