i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
