You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
