i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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