Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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