I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize