I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I love having hate sex.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
