he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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