Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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