whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
