i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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