he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
