I wish my penis had an off switch
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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